after the storm

And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.

Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won't rot.

And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we lived for.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have.
That's why I hold.

I will die alone and be left there.
Well I guess I'll just go home,
Oh God knows where.
Because death is just so full and mine so small.
Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

the happiest girl

I'm so pleased with my life right now. Senior year is turning out to be the best year of my life; everything is better than expected. The scholarships, report cards, test scores, congratulations, and encouragements are keeping my spirits high every day. My friends are great, my job is easy, and my parents are cooler and more supportive than ever.

On top of all that, I've got the greatest significant other I could ever ask for. He supports me in all I do and inspires me constantly: my creativity has never been more easy to access and put to work in music, art, writing, etc. He's my best friend and biggest fan in the world.

I love you, kyle.

summer pt. II

In a cove connected
Between the blanket and the skies,
It was then I knew the sunshine
Was reflected in my eyes.

The carousel beneath us
Sang through my august nights -
"The summer feels like stubble
And it smells like northern lights."

no more nightmares... I hope

I keep having those "I want to go home" kind of days, where no matter where I am, I feel like I should be somewhere else. Not my house.

At least I finally had a good dream. It was about cliff diving.

this

the boy and girl fell in love,

so he gave her a mandolin.

"This is the dream life," he said.

It definitely is.
I always knew in the back of my mind that one of these days I'd grow up and find my place in the world. I had accepted being unsure of myself years ago; it was a good excuse for being paranoid, cynical, and passive-aggressive about everything. To everyone.

But, what's the point in living like that forever? Pity will never make me happy. Sympathy won't make me love myself. Not even being liked, accepted, and wanted will make me feel fulfilled. I'm glad I finally realized that wallowing in my own insecurities will only perpetuate them; being optimistic is the only way I'm ever going to get out of my own mind and start living my life.

I have become self-sufficient lately, at least in the emotional and mental aspects. I'm strong enough to take care of myself and to keep from falling apart. I have learned to love my strengths and my weaknesses at the same time. I have learned that I'm really fortunate, in a lot of ways. I don't believe in a god but I know I have a purpose in my life: a purpose I've created for myself, to be successful using my gifts and experiences.

I learned a lot this summer. There were bumps along the way, but the path less travelled gave me a new perspective on myself, my surroundings, and my future. The brilliance and wisdom of a very important person helped me, for sure. He was the spark that lit the fire.

I am happy, now. I have a foundation to be happy, forever. I'm not going to let anyone bring me down. This is my life, and I love it.

________________________

"The same future you have, tomorrow, won't be the same one you had, yesterday." - Rant Casey