A real update for once

My high school career has finally drawn to a close, and I decided that its denouement merits an actual update on my life (for documentation purposes, if nothing else). I don't write in journals or diaries anymore so this will do for now.

Graduation was a nervous night, but the graduation party that followed on Saturday made up for it. It was more of a family affair than anything else, but I have pretty cool, fun relatives, so it was a happy day. I am always amazed (and humbled) by the generosity of my family and close friends. They supported me through high school and I can't thank them enough. The end of graduation weekend brought with it the ultimate relief from senioritis, stress, and overcrowded schedules:

SUMMER.

I'm spending mine working a little at the pool, fervently trying to learn more songs on mandolin, and doing LOTS of hanging out. More than usual. I'm also getting a bicycle rack soon to alleviate my urge to ride my bike everywhere. Want to ride with me? I want to ride with you.

I have a month and a half left of this before:

1. Science camp, which is in West Virginia. I don't really have any idea what to expect, but I was told to bring my mandolin so it shouldn't be all bad. After a month in the Appalachians, I will return to Cabot for three all-too-short weeks of
2. College preparation, or the final countdown. I have so many things to clean, pack, buy, and move. The real task will be celebrating my final weeks living in Cabot with my friends and making sure that I go to Hendrix with a good taste in my mouth, so to speak. Leaving behind certain people will be a miserable affair. And finally, on August 16th, the most anticipated day of my life thus far arrives:
3. Move-in Day at Hendrix. Then the real excitement begins.

I remember

all the words and phrases that frequent your tongue like girls frequent your head. the shapes your face makes when your mind is fitting itself around an idea. the way you walk, the way you can't, and the way you wish you could .promises we both forgot, but tried to honor... and that's what counts, isn't it?

some lyrics

"I know a girl who cries when she practices violin, because each note sounds so pure, it just cuts into her, and then the melody comes pouring out her eyes.

Now to me, everything else, it just sounds like a lie."

everyone,

everyone I know, someday, will die.

Nothing good lasts long these days, it seems. Graduation's rapid approach is a morbid reminder of how easily I let the time slip past me, and of how much time I've wasted doing nothing. I feel like my productivity is far below par, despite doing more homework than ever this year (thank you, AP Lit).

I can feel friendships crumbling already, as more and more people realize that soon we won't be obligated to see any of our classmates ever again. All the polite smiles and hallway greetings we've been exchanging for the last decade will soon amount to nothing, as all contact ceases. The hum of the real world will fill our ears, and all the casual, not-so-close friends we've had for years will vanish into the oblivion of our memories.

Sometimes it feels good to be cynical (or, in this case, realistic).

after the storm

And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.

Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won't rot.

And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we lived for.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have.
That's why I hold.

I will die alone and be left there.
Well I guess I'll just go home,
Oh God knows where.
Because death is just so full and mine so small.
Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

the happiest girl

I'm so pleased with my life right now. Senior year is turning out to be the best year of my life; everything is better than expected. The scholarships, report cards, test scores, congratulations, and encouragements are keeping my spirits high every day. My friends are great, my job is easy, and my parents are cooler and more supportive than ever.

On top of all that, I've got the greatest significant other I could ever ask for. He supports me in all I do and inspires me constantly: my creativity has never been more easy to access and put to work in music, art, writing, etc. He's my best friend and biggest fan in the world.

I love you, kyle.

summer pt. II

In a cove connected
Between the blanket and the skies,
It was then I knew the sunshine
Was reflected in my eyes.

The carousel beneath us
Sang through my august nights -
"The summer feels like stubble
And it smells like northern lights."